As a Life Coach, my practice is filling up, and I thank the lord for that.
There are some common themes which are emerging and I share the following post with fellow parents.
Dear Parents, God parents and the extended village …
There are some conversations and topics which in 2023 are still deemed tabooed. Unless we are willing to talk about them openly and honestly, within the family circle, however uncomfortable they make us feel, we will never grow, things won’t change and the youngsters in our lives will continue to be ignorant of facts and consequences.
The reasons for not tabling some of these issues is fear, shame and not wanting to be venerable. Having to admit that we haven’t achieved some of the things in life we wanted to. Well it’s that time of life that we have to put on the big gurl and boy draws and dive in.
Our parents wouldn’t discuss and many things were brushed under the carpet or a blind eye turned. Apparently big people business!!! The consequences is people in mid life are having a royal midlife crisis and meltdown, crisis of identity, crisis of carrying all that baggage, secrets and stuff for decades.
Free our minds and the rest will follow. Don’t be trapped and caged by the past. Owning up to our sh1% is imperative, most of us did the best we could with what we knew and had, no man or woman is perfect. Too many of our young ones are suffering in silence and out loud.
As a parent and mother, I KNOW I have been complicit to some rubbish in the past and in my nieavity or not having the courage at the time allowed things to slide for a easier moment in life, but at what cost??
It’s a new day and a new dawn, lets commit to doing better than our parents because we can and because it’s the right thing to do.
Frankly I couldn’t care less if my children are gay, yep I said it. I would rather they come and talk to me about it than take their own life, the life I carried for 9 months and bore much pain to bring into this world. If as a friend you are going to stop talking to me or criticise me, that’s cool trust and believe I can deal with that. My children are worth more than a weak friendship.
If my children don’t want to get married that’s thier decisions, don’t want children so what. (Although I’d love grand children, just saying). Some of the things parents are focused on is not important in the scheme of things.
Ask the question is my child/children happy? are they thriving in their own way? Not OUR way thier way.
I say, swallow the pride and say sorry for not doing what we should have done or said in the moment. Say sorry for wrongs committed willingly and unwillingly, knowingly and unknowing. I hear people say it was not my intention, that’s not how I meant it, however the impact is real and lasting. Many times it’s not what we say, it’s how we say it and the tone used. As humans we can say some cruel things to our children and try to pass it off as a joke, if they are not laughing it’s probably not funny.
Too many young people are in a state right now, help where we can. These are serious times. I don’t want to loose another child because they could see no way out.
I’d rather weep now, big old ugly snotty tears now in the moment, for a day, a week or a month than having to console a parent or crying at a grave side. It takes a village to raise children make it a priority to talk with them rather than about them. Enquire what’s front of mind for them, simple listen and love them.
Remember no one gave us a manual on how to raise our children, no one told us if they were introvert or extrovert, some of them are damn hard work, we’ve had to make it up as we went along. So be gentle and compassionate with ourselves. Not so good parents it’s never too late to change and be better and do better. Good parents be even better, our kids need us more than ever.
Have a beautiful day and a productive week. If you see someone who doesn’t have a smile why not give them yours.
One ❤️
Jan xx
Synclarity Coaching Practice 